Ex-Husband Encounter

Tuesday night has been defined as the night that Dear comes over and mopes around the house, I mean, spends quality time with me and helps sort through the wreckage of our life.

Dear is all in a tizzy because he’s concerned that Twitch’s best friend has told Twitch’s family that Dear is/has been and/or will be a drug addict. Twitch vehemently denied that this has occurred. Especially after Dear said he could never be with someone that he couldn’t have a relationship with their family (Sidenote: Dear and I are very close with each other’s family and they adore me and to them, I am irreplaceable. This is where I stick out my proverbial tongue at Twitch). Twitch insists that this news has not reached his families ears but Dear doesn’t quite believe him.

Now, I know it for a pretty reliable fact that this news has indeed reached their ears in a story that would knock Britney off the front page of the Enquirer. Mortimer (Twitch’s Ex) told me this same friend had indeed spilled the awful unvarnished truth to Twitch’s family right after the whole mess occurred.  So Twitch is lying to Dear, what a surprise. Dear was especially melancholic tonight as it seems he’s not very comfortable around Twitch at times. Twitch, he said, is rather non-communicative, moody and mourning the loss of Mortimer. Dear, on the other hand, admits he doesn’t feel secure or safe with Twitch (as he did with me) and still can’t get his head around how the whole thing unraveled. I know I need to be strong through this whole thing. I know moving on is the best thing for me no matter how much I may love him and no matter how much he says and I know he loves me but it ain’t going to be an easy path.

He made dinner and we spent much of the evening discussing next steps. He wants to move back in the house in March and me to move out in April. I said I’m fine with him moving back in whenever and living in the downstairs guestroom as long as Twitch doesn’t come within 1000 feet of the house and that if I was able to pull the tatters of my finances together by April and could find an acceptable apartment I would but if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. I also mentioned that all of our friends said I was being much too cooperative and they thought I should insist on 50% of everything. (I don’t really expect 50% and I know Dear is going to be more than generous and will make sure the transition is easy for me, as that is the only way he will be able to ease his guilt the least bit.)

Then we spent the rest of the night talking about how it all came apart. He still doesn’t quite grasp how it all happened. I, on the other hand, believe we all played our parts exactly the way we were meant to and it couldn’t have turned out any other way. I also spent some time talking about the need for healthy sex life in a relationship, where and when ours had derailed and how, though I didn’t intend on becoming a full-time bottom, I did need to explore that and as he is pretty much 85% bottom that was probably one of the many reasons why our sex life had gone kaput. Also, we touched on the kids subject. I’m interested but time is ticking. He is too self-fixated and opposed. So, I said that basically I was going to look for a hot versatile top who might like to have kids. He made no reply and left soon after.

 It’s tough seeing him as when he leaves I’m more conscious of the emptiness in the house and yet I miss him, as my best friend more than anything. I hope our Tuesday night dinners and Sunday afternoons cleaning the house will help us not only sort through our lives but help us move through these emotions and to a place where we can support each other as friends without the taint of how it all ended.